No, not the friend you fuck on your time off or the one you make time to fuck when you don’t have time but you’re starting to really like.
I mean the asshole who fucks you over and continues to act like your friend. In the army I learned the term “blue falcon ” … why? The same acronyms are shared with the two.
I often think I have shitty friends, but then I remember the ones I rarely see and I feel I have the best friends I could ask for. Then it makes sense, they’re great friends because most of the time they leave me the fuck alone and we all live our lifes either great or not and then we meet once a year and praise each other’s mediocre accomplishments… or not.
It doesn’t have to be the gal that slept with your fiancé, or the guy who told your wife you were cheating … it’s not even the guy at work that made a sexual harassment complain behind your back about a porn picture you showed them on your work computer while they shared a blueberry muffin with you and snickered behind their hand to hide their blueberry smudged two front teeth… no, it’s not any of them. Those are a tad bit more tolerable than the asshole who calls you on your day off to tell you that they heard from your supervisor at the insurance company that you’re going on probation for a hospital bill you didn’t submit on a 5 month old claim.
The asshole that knows you haven’t had decent sleep in the past year because of your divorce and your father was diagnosed with leukemia, you lost your car and now use “lyft ” for almost everything and it’s the first full weekend you get in at least 4 months because you’re finally caught up . So now you’re standing in front of the mirror with your phone on speaker and half the side of your hair curled while your 6 year old is sitting on the bed begging you to hurry up so you can get him to the birthday party of the snobby kid in his class who happens to be his best friend. Whose mother you met at the fall festival and is the definition of perfect with her perfect body, face and hands and has a rich husband and has never worked a day in her life. She’s not the stuck up snob like that you can blow off and have an excuse not to talk to, she’s actually really fucking nice so you have to take your son to the party and wrap nicely the remote control car you paid too much at the mall for but you had to get because they gave your son an equally expensive toy at the gift exchange at school.
…the damn toy you bought that was very much your monthly bed payment but that you have to push back a few days so your kid can enjoy perhaps a normal life.
Fucking asshole, it seems like a gesture to warn you of the shit day you’ll have coming back to work but then again … why ruin my last day off with these news. I cut the call when my boy fell off the bed ..of course he busted his lip and chipped his tooth, and as my butt reflects on the mirror ..aaah there it is, my white pants completely ruined with mother’s nature that I may still be a woman. I felt the wetness earlier but I was thinking about the way my new desk neighbors penis was traced by his basketball shorts at the work gym when he was doing squats. Shit… don’t cry, don’t cry…